I recently returned from a week-long retreat with a hefty case of Covid. The irony is that I was with a group that prides itself on helping one another grow in a community of mutual value and respect. Often, decisions are made via consensus to ensure everyone has a voice. Despite this set of values — or perhaps because of them — one of the long-time participants demonstrated an absolutely fabulous case of denial that allowed him to infect 1/3 of the attendees in just a few days.
Now that everyone who got sick has recovered (despite one ambulance call), I can see the dark humor in how things unfolded. The group has a 30+year history of focusing on consensus and inclusivity. The goal is to make sure that it’s a safe place for people to show up and do deep work. Sounds like heaven, no? It pretty much is, at least for me.
But all of a sudden, there’s a new element in the mix: Mr. Contagious. He’s coughing in an enclosed space containing many older folks with health issues. And he’s insisting that he can’t possibly infect anyone else.
With 20/20 hindsight, it’s crystal clear he was patient zero. And we all know now how we’re supposed to deal with airborne diseases. So let’s not talk about that anymore. Let’s talk about our favorite subject: Messy Human Behavior.
What we can learn from what happened
The experience was a prime example of social behavior. Instead of grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and booting him out (my personal fantasy), a bunch of intelligent and thoughtful people people spent a LOT of time talking behind the scenes about what to do. I can’t speak to all their motivations, but some of them wanted to protect group values of inclusivity and mutual respect. Some of them knew that if they confronted the guy, he would be aggressively defensive and, frankly, they just didn’t want to deal with an infectious asshole. Some of them were worried about whether they were authorized to make big decisions in a group that relies on consensus.
It’s fascinating how difficult it was for a group of responsible adults to make a decision to protect its own safety. If we wanted to avoid an outbreak, decisions needed to be made in minutes. Instead, it took days — at which point all the right stuff happened around moving outside, taking tests, and masking.
So what the heck was going on? Let’s talk about a few things.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Messy Humans to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.