On self-revision, love, and AI music

An apology and a gift

I owe you an apology, regular readers. For the past couple of months, I have been deep diving in contemplation and quiet self-revision. I haven’t wanted to come back to Messy Humans until I had something coherent to say.

Now that I do, I intend to change the focus of this Substack. I want to go even deeper into the felt experiences of real people at work and in their creative lives. I believe the two are much more closely related than we openly discuss. And I’m tired of the disingenuous and impersonal content out there on professionalism, leadership, succeeding at work, and relating to colleagues. Work takes up a massive portion of our life energy. We should invite all of life into the conversation. Otherwise, we’re cut off from some of our best stuff.

My Contemplation

As I was preparing to write this, I ran across this note from another Substacker, and thought it apropos.

Like so many people, my childhood was unstable. I experienced unusual environments, deep joys, and many traumas, large and small. One of the things I did to survive was mask. Another was to deny the real ways that my childhood was difficult. I repeated the stories of my parents, rather than hearing my own.

I created a life story that consisted of my sister and me romping in the woods, emotionally sensitive and brilliant parents, and lots of permission to be who I was. I often said “my childhood was idyllic,” despite my dad taking off when I was five. All of this was true — and it left out the big story, which is that both of my parents were so caught up in their own lives and perspectives that a significant portion of my needs were neglected. There’s nothing new here, except that I’m only figuring this out in my 50s. Uncovering this, with the help of a therapist I deeply trust, has opened up all sorts of new possibilities — including feeling much braver about showing those more vulnerable spaces to my intimate friends. I believe this is what Brené Brown means when she talks about being wholehearted by cultivating love, belonging, and vulnerability. Wholehearted people have a deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to each other. I certainly believe this, and I believe we need to amplify this to thrive in this turbulent world.

And now, I’m newly in love with a man who feels like “my person.” He feels like the cherry on top of all this personal work. All of a sudden the stakes are raised in terms of cultivating this delicate, honest, and resonant bond we’re building. This is something to protect with all my wily ways.

In his honor, I want to share something fun. My best friend from high school just turned me on to Suno, an AI music-composing tool. My alter ego Bunny Futura poured one of my original poems in as lyrics, and here is the result: Glimmer. I invite you to listen and also to play. This has to be one of the most fun uses of AI I have seen yet.

That should entertain you until my next post. I’ll be detailing the coming changes to Messy Humans. I look forward to unveiling some new sections and features!

Much fondness to you! Stay Messy!

Erika